I learnt this poem when I was in the Girl Guides (Scouts, for our US viewers!) for one of my badges, although I'm sure the last two lines were different - I've always remembered t…. FIFTY SHADES OF GREY - (Pam Ayres) The missus bought a Paperback, down Shepton Mallet way, I had a look inside her bag;.T'was "Fifty Shades of Grey". Well I just left her to it, And at ten I went to bed. An hour later she appeared; The sight filled me with dread. In her left she held a rope; And in her right a whip! She threw them down upon the floor, And then began to strip.

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Now some are fifty-six and some are twelve* You mothers on windswept platforms, crippled by the gash of fear, Go home. You aching sweetheart bent and crying for your young man, Go home. You have shared a last embrace. Hold it tenderly, remember it, safeguard and cherish it, For it must last a lifetime. And pity the straight-backed fathers, who.. FIFTY SHADES OF GREY - (a husband's point of view) - By Pam Ayres of course.. The missus bought a Paperback, down Shepton Mallet way, I had a look inside her bag;. T'was "Fifty Shades.